Since I created this blog page (with help from my friend MarviMarti), I have been struggling with how to do this. How to write. How to tell my stories. Are they worth writing? Are they worth reading? Where do I begin? Do I start at the beginning? Do I start with the present and work backwards?
I still don’t have any answers but I finally decided I needed to start. So to you, my potential readers, my apologies if I am all over the place and if I make no sense.
When George (more about him later) read the title of my page, My Sad Little Life, I think it took him off guard. I am not a particularly sad person and I believe he thought I was saying our life together was sad. Our life here in Sayler Park is anything but sad. Laughter fills our life daily and I truly believe he feels he was put here on earth to make me smile and laugh. Thinking about it, I am probably happier than most people. Over the last year I have learned I have everything I need. The most important lesson I learned is that very little of that comes from material possessions. My BFF, Julie, said the following to me just few days ago: “i think we are born with a hole in our heart and we live our lives searching for something or someone to fill that hole. God is the only one who can fill it.” I spent the last 46 years working hard to fill that hole. I tried to mold myself into various people I thought, or others thought I should be. Some days I felt that my hole was just too big and the MY sad little life was never meant to be happy.
I asked the same questions over and over…why am I not prettier? Why am I not smarter? Why can’t I be more like ____ (fill in the name of any one of my co-workers or friends)? Why don’t I feel like I belong? What is my talent? What makes me special? The problem was, I was asking the wrong questions and I definitely was not asking the right person for answers.
Then something happened. Someone walked into my life that changed everything. And now, after 47 years, that hole, the one that seemed as if it were as deep as the ocean, has been filled with happiness, love, laughter, tears, warmth, peace, touch and friendship. If you look closely you can see the bottom now. It is only a matter of time until my sad little life is just a memory.
So I guess this is where I begin. This is my creation. My Sad Little Life.